Surah of the week

" The originator of the heavens and earth! When He decreeth a thing,He saith unto it only: Be! and it is.
(2:117)

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Im Back

Salaams all my sisters in islam. Im Back.LOL. I have taken a much needed break from life, blogging, work and everything else. Prior to my vacation, I had been working a lot of hours and finishing a rough semester in pharmacy school. Im earning my doctorate of pharmacy ( pharm.D) and I have to say I am quite sick of school. I did the traditional college thing and went right after highschool to get my bachelors and my masters. I am now finishing up the pharm.d and had plans to go to law school as well but enough is enough. Iam tired of school and Iam ready to begin the next phase of my life. Marriage and children,insha'allah. Its hard finding the right person for you, ya know? I think I may have found him but I also have many reservations, which is not a good sign to me. Anyhow, I have been extremley busy and I went to washington d.c for a week on vacation. I am in LOVE with that city and I will definitly be moving there after graduation. I think what attracts me the most is the diversity I see all around me. I have to say the best thing I see while there is Muslims everywhere!!! Alhamdullilah!!!!! I love it. I feel so comfortable there. When I am in the mall or something, particulary Tysons corner, I am amazed. Sisters everywhere!! I must have visited 7 muesuems and guess what else?? I was on my way to the holocust musuem the day of the shooting!!!! I was walking down the street towards it when all of sudden I start hearing all this commotion, cops everywhere, helicopters above. I find out there has been a shooting at the museum and I am speechless because I was on my way. All I can say is Allah Akbar. Wow, I felt terrible for the victim and blessed that Allah spared me from witnessing it. Even still I love D.C. Its so wonderful and when I feel my deen slipping it would help to have a nice muslim community to be a part of. I feel like an outcast here sometimes. Most of the sisters I see around town look very different from me...

Also sisters, do you ever go through bouts of depression and you wonder what you did to Allah to make him upset. I know this sounds silly but I have been having the roughest time lately. My parents blame themselves because they say by spoiling me when I was a child, I have a unrealstic view of life and to a certain extent this is true. I have never struggled financially,mentally, or emotionally and now I feel a mess all around. I was making such progress with my deen and trying to do the right thing with my hijab and prayers and I feel like my love actually got harder instead of easier, which is what I anticipated. I thought if i did right by Allah, Allah would do right by me. Now before you misunderstand me. I know everyday I wake up that Allah has done right by me and actually I can work all of my life being a good muslim and will never be able to repay Allah for all he has given me. Iam soo thankful and grateful for my life and I have a great one. I just feel as if I am having a lot of bad luck lately and Iam down about it. My future MIL has told me what I am going though is typical because she said Allah only test the Believer. Prior to reverting to Islam, life was good and easy. Since my conversation, I have gained so much knowlege alhamdullilah, but I also experience many hardships. I feel like shayton has made it his personal business to ruin my life and Iam like why me Allah??? I was really like starting to feel like things were going my way and now all of sudden my life is totally craZy, unorganized and I dont even know where to begin on damage control??!!!

Partially my blues come from the fact that my birthday is coming up and I think every year around my bday I start evaluating my life and I when I fall short of my goals, I am extremley hard on myself. I never thought I would still be not married and have no children. I know I have plenty of time ( Im not even 30 yet) but why do I feel like my clock is ticking?! Does anyone else have these concerns. Now that I am muslim, I feel like it will be harder to find a mate.Especially in the city Im in...Like I mentioned before, I guess I am engaged but I dont know if he is the one...

I know need to grow up and realize that everyone has it rough and its not personal. Allah loves me and this I know. I am not even close to where I need to be and honest I may have taken a few steps back. Make duas for me sisters because I have been to struggle with things I have never struggled with all my life. In my time of need when I should be running to Allah (s.w.t) I find myself running the opposite direction. Isnt this backwards??? Yes, I realize this.I am praying that I can get back on track, I am sure it wont be long. I mean dont worry, Iam not totally digressing.Like doing haraam things like drinking and stuff. I just have been slacking on my prayers ( NOT COOL) and other stuff.....well I think I have vented enough and I miss reading blogs and posting stuff, so Iam back!!!! I love you all for the sake of Allah :)

13 comments:

أم ترافيس said...

assalamu alaykum sis,

Welcome back :D Missed u!!

I think u have more or less answered your own questions... after you get on the "right" track, Allah will test you to build u in character and eman... not just that, but Shayton will be happy to see u fail and is attacking left, right and center! After I converted it was hunky dory for a few months, and I did get everything I asked for and more. But I was tested REAL HARD and sometimes I was depressed... heck, sometimes I still get depressed. But the answers lie in Allah, as they always have, so whenever u feel that way, simply realign your steps to His direction. And as u also mentioned... finding good sisters is KEY to more stability, eman, and good Islam.

May Allah help u sis!

Ps. I was 29 when I got married again, and I was pushing it too, thinking I was getting "old" Now I am doing the same thing in trying to have kids (Im 31!) but again - we must remind ourselves it is with Allah.

Pray istickharah about this man, and ask Allah to show u the right way.

May He grant u the most wonderful, pious, husband ameen

Inspired Muslimah said...

Umm travis, your comments couldnt be more on time and I really appreciate it. I went through what you described, I was on a roll,life was going well, then BAM, test after test! I wish I had a sister like you to hang around and learn from. I will pray about the marriage situation. I just want to do the right thing ya know? Thanks for the duas sis, I appreciate you so much.

zainab1 said...

As salaamu alaikum sister, this is true this is all a test that Im sure many , many sisters experience. I for one know for sure I have been and continue to be tested. Sister stay close to Allah (SWT) with all that you have , stay in rememberance of Allah (SWT) daily (dihkr) constantly , read quran once or twice a day if its even for 5 min each , keep pious, righteous, knowledgeable muslims in your company this is very , very important. Being around pious muslimas does soooo much for you Iman, it will allow you to know that you have these things in common with people who share the same believes as you , and to desire to reach junnah , Insha Allah. So sister hang in there these tips I' ve left here really do help , I know from sheer experience. I will make dua for you , Insha Allah all will work out fine. Also , I have 2 blogs I invite you to check them out at
zainab1.blogspot.com
and
AuNaturale007.blogspot.com
I would love to hear from you, Insha Allah. I pray that Allah (swt) continues to shower you with his mercy. Ameen. As salaamu alaikum.

the mrs. said...

im so glad to see you are back...i have missed your blog. i will keep you in my prayers (((big hugs)))

a kl citizen said...

Pray is the answer to all... for only He has the power on us... May Allah bless you, gives you courage...amin

Skinny Legs said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Skinny Legs said...

Yip, I'm going into that phrase also. I know how that feels. All the best sister. My prayer is with you, InsyaAllah.

Lisa said...

Whenever you get down and depressed, the best thing is to turn closer to Allah habibty.

Take it from someone who will be asked on the Day of Judgement about why she turned the other way for so long when life got in the way.

I can understand your clock ticking. Absolutely. Mine was ticking when I got pregnant at 24. My mom had me at 25 (I'm the oldest) and I wanted to do the same. Just make a plan and inshallah set a date for this dream. Inshallah it will come true.

Your parents are amazing, and rely on them for support. They may have spoiled you though you don't seem spoiled at all to me, but now they can try to teach you what they wanted you to know all along. It's never too late for any of you. There is always renewal. Always sweetie. Love you so.

Inspired Muslimah said...

Zainab1: Salaam sis and thanks for your comment. I love to dihkr and read quran, thanks for your advice these are the best tools we have and we should use them.

the mrs.: Thanks for the welcoming me back! That feels soo good sis.

a kl citizen: I will try to keep my head up sis and pray.

Skinny Legs:I will keep you in my prayers too see.

Lisa:Thanks for your comments sis, I know you understand much of what Iam going through. lets make duas for one another. I love you too sis!!

CareMuslimah said...

Hey sis!!.. I love the new image here.. lol..cool style!!..

btw every single hard time we go through is just a test.. we have to succeed no matter what!!..

I'm glad ur back. I'll make duaa for you.

Salam alaykum!

Inspired Muslimah said...

Care Muslimah: Thanks sis for the compliment and encouragement. I know Allah is testing me and I will come out stronger than ever. Thanks for the duas and I will make them for you as well. Salaams.

Anonymous said...

GOING THRU THE SAME THING. AND I REALTE TO U ALL MORE THAN I CAN RELATE TO MY MOTHER.
rUBBER.

Anonymous said...

u know jannah is not easy to reach, and u will go thru tests, go to Allah. make sure. if u are going the other way....it is shaitan pulling u.this is exactly wats happeningn with me, if v wont fight i dont wanna think about how low u and i can fall morally.
Rubber
Fight and pray that i fight well too.
Muslims are the most tested beings.
thats how it was to be.

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