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Saturday, October 18, 2008

I just have a question for all my muslimah sisters out there striving to stay on the right path.How do you do it?? How do you manage for those living in a western culture which doesnt really doesnt support an islamic culture.I am a new muslimah and i am loving islam..however.. I feel really bad for the things in the quran that I take as true, anything from allah I take as true,I just have somethings I do not understand..Mainly muslim men being able to have more than one wife. I understand why this was originally but i wonder is there a need for it know. Is there any other muslim sisters out there with this same problem? I know its halal to marry more than one wife but honestly when I do get married I want to be my husbands only wife. Is that asking for to much and am I unrealistic to think this way. I ask allah everyday for the maturity one needs to understand this situation. Can any sisters out there reading this share this experience with marriage and if they would be ok with multiple wives,if there current or past husbands had multiple wives, and or if their father had multiple wives. I feel disloyal to islam which is my chosen religion that I am happy and proud of but this one thing scares me to death! I know it may be a possibility one day and I hope to be able to grow and read my quran and understand it and the hadith says. What if a wife doesn't agree to a co wife? Does her opinion matter? Maybe its not that bad, I dont know any muslim sisters who share their husband but I dont know many sisters at all so maybe its a lot more common than i think. Also earrings and makeup. I have been hearing lots of mixed debates on these topics. Is it wrong to have your hijab pushed back enough to show your earrings? Is is wrong to wear makeup? Is it wrong to socialize with your family and friends who are not muslims during their holidays? With christmas and thanksgiving coming up, I find myself in this funny place. I am now muslim.Iam happy about it but my family is not muslim and they will be celebrating the holidays I grew up with. I am soo unsure about how to handle this.. Hijab is something Allah commands of us and i am not in a position to question him. I do miss wearing my hair sometimes. Am i wrong? i feel like a traitor typing it and I ask for all that read this blog not judge but offer whatever advise they have for a new muslimah. I am trying my hardest sisters,i am still struggling with something though and just needed to get some stuff off my chest. Sometimes i just wonder if i will be able to be a good muslimah because even though I am trying my hardest, every time i do some research I learn of something else I am doing and should stop,eg. fingernail polish.. I didn't know that! Inshallah I will be fine and continue to stay the course and learn and become a better muslimah. These are just some honest thoughts from a new muslimah.


Anonymous said...

While I know that polygamy is a sunnah in Islam, I just would NOT want my husband to marry more than one wife. I want to be the only one, and I don't think that's selfish, or asking too much:). I would want him to be commited to me and only me. As long as you realize that polygamy is a part of Islam, and don't condemn it as something bad or wrong, then that should be fine I think.

As far as make-up and earrings go, I understand that a polished look (minimal make-up) then that's okay and playing it safe. As long as the hijab covers your ears, neck, hair, and chest, then it is a personal choice as to whether one wants to show her earrings or not. That's just my limited understanding.

I have a lot of non-muslim family, and on Thanksgiving, we do get together for a HUGE family dinner. It's fun, and I think it's giving good dawa to them. But we do not take part in any Christmas celebrations.

Hope that helped a little sis!!:D


Anonymous said...

Here is a pic of a woman with waayy too much make-up on, but is wearing earrings while still mantaining proper coverage.


Yasmin said...

Salaam Alaikum ukthi,
I understand exactly where you are coming from. I believe we all fight and struggle to stay on the path of Allah. We are gonna fall off sometimes but as long as we come back, we'll be okay.
For polygamy, I do accept it as something Allah SWT has allowed. Personally, it would be hard for me to know my husband has another wife and Allah SWT understands that woman are jealous, He created us that way.
Ive been in a situation where my ex-husband was gonna take another wife. He had met this sister who had 5 kids and her husband just up and left her. She was a new muslim, and didn't know a lot about Islam. Her husband didnt even teach her how to pray. She was struggling a lot and my ex-husband, trying to be kind and helpful, was willing to marry her so she could have an Islamic family. The only thing is that she lived a different state, far away and him and I would have to relocate. I was a bit upset but willing to accept it but my husband and I weren't stable enough to make such a big move. And he wanted to move asap. I told him that he really had to think about it and take time. His intention was good, but it wasn't a good decision at that moment. I told him that its a huge responsibilty and that you have to answer for your responsibilty on the day of Judgement. Alhamdulillah, me and her got a long very well, even though she's 10 years older than me. We just had such good conversations. Later on she changed her mind because she saw how my ex was really controllong and didn't like some of his ways, which is what I saw in him and hence we are no longer married. Her and I are still friends to this day and we are really close alhamdulillah. So I guess you really have to get to know the co-wife and see if you could get along first before a man decides to marry her because she is just an extension of the family.
I talked to my husband about if he would ever have another wife and he said he knows its allowed but he wouldn't, one wife is enough, unless I couldn't have children, then he would probably get another wife because he wants his own children. To me thats a bit understandable, but then again it might hurt me, it really depends on my state of mind if that happens.

Inspired Muslimah said...

thank you for your honest opinion. Honestly, I didn't know if everyone would jump on me about feeling that way,which I was only being honest. Its nice to know that Iam not the only who feels that way. Since I wasn't born muslim, I was just wondering If it was something I couldn't cope with and maybe sisters born into islam didn't mind it. I appreciate your feedback. Do you know any one who is a co wife?

Yasmin,Thats really interesting sis. You were actually in this situation and yes, women are jealous. I think its natural to want your husband all to yourself. I feel better hearing it from other muslimah's since I was hoping this wasn't a just me being negative or not understanding islam. Just like you said, I know its allowed and Allah has granted it but I just personally wouldn't want a situation like
that. Allah has blessed you because even though you wouldnt prefer it be this way, you were going to do it and that is special. The fact that you guys are friends is wonderful and I agree you would have to get along with the co wife. Funny thing is,i think getting to know her would only make me more jealous! I would began to look at her as a friend and It would be hard for me to imagine her and my husband together.

Inspired Muslimah said...

Naeemah, thanks for this pic. Ok so I have a dumb question. I have seen this person in several pics wearing hijab. Is this a real person or a mannequin? She is really pretty but looks almost unreal. That is not meant to be disrespectful.I just honestly cant tell.Your probably laughing as your reading this.LOL. Her face is just to perfect so I cant tell. Ok the more I look at it,she is real but sheesh. she looks almost fake. Her hijab is gorgeous and this is a great example for me because I am struggling the whole earring things. What about fingernail polish?

Yasmin said...

Trust me sis, you aren't the only one who feels that way. There are a lot, and i mean A LOT of sisters(born muslim or reverts) who do not like the idea of their husband being shared. To me it just seems like a lot drama especially reading a lot if blogs from sisters who are in polygamous marriage.

Anonymous said...

I do know a sister who is a co-wife. I understand that she is going through a REAL hard time because the brother didn't go about polygamy the right way, as it is done in most cases nowadays:(

LOL, the lady in the pic DOES look like a maniquin right? Oh well, mashAllah.

In order for your wudu to be valid, nail polish can't be worn. The water has to reach your nails for you to make proper wudu for prayer. So I really don't wear nail polish often. I do wear it during that time of the month though:) Cuz on those days I can't pray anyway so it just makes sense:)


Jana said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jana said...

Salaam sis,

I can only wonder at how difficult it must be for you to absorb all the new knowledge and new lifestyle that comes with accepting Islam. May Allah make it easy for you.

Regards polygamy, one thing I would advise is that you stay the heck away from P-blogs. There is very, very little benefit to be had, unless you want to spend your time reading sob-stories or endless arguments from narrow-minded idealists. It's such a waste of time and just goes to show how much heartache comes out of this situation. It's not wrong for you to wish to be the only wife - the Prophet's wives were known to become jealous of each other. And these are the best of women with the best husband anyone could ever wish for, so what of us regular, 21st century Muslimahs who are often saddled with far less worthy men?

At the end of the day, polygamy is still a relatively rare practice, and it had it's uses at one point, and in a society which was used to men having plural wives, Islam came and actually placed a limit of 4. You should also be aware that some scholars allow a woman to stipulate in her marriage contract that her husband not marry again, or she has the right to a divorce from him.

Regards hijab, in the summer there sure are days when I'd love to fling it off, I won't lie! That's perfectly normal, and inshallah we will be rewarded for our patience. With make-up, I keep it light and natural, and I guess every woman learns what looks overly eye-catching on her, and what does not.

Take care,


Zaenab said...

omg you shouldnt think you're a traitor!! Allah (SWT) loves those who strive to act on his comands and so he loves you or He would have never guided you and may He guide us all Insh'Allah

Inspired Muslimah said...

Thanks sis for the encouragement and words of wisdom, I feel much better on these issues since hearing from everyone. I know normal. Secretly for a while I questioned whether I was truly ready to convert bc prior to my revert,I had these thoughts and so I was thinking I must not be ready to muslim because I am sure muslim women dont feel this way and it actually made me hold up on taking the shahada but alhamdullilah I took shahada and I am just asking Allah for help in area's Iam weak in,

The very heart of Islam Written by: LINUS said...

May Allah show you mercy. I understand your concern about polygamy. We have to remember that this is something that our Creator, thru His ulitimate wisdom has allowed this. If we truly believe in Islam, we have to accept it 100%. therefore,99.9% is not accepted. anyways, what i really want you to focus on is the most important thing about Islam and that is TAWHEED. sure polygamy is an issue for you ladies, but ultimately, our goal is to enter the eternal bliss in jannah in the hereafter, and we have to focus on what really matters most - TAWHEED. take some time to read what i have to say about tawheed and give me a word for it.

Inspired Muslimah said...

Salaam brother,Thanks for your input and Inshallah will read your article and offer feedback.

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