Surah of the week

" The originator of the heavens and earth! When He decreeth a thing,He saith unto it only: Be! and it is.
(2:117)

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

This is such a beautiful video about a muslim wife. I am learning the qualities that will make a good wife,inshallah. I see which qualities I posses easily and those which will be a struggle. Faithfulness, loyalness, a good devoted partner, a friend, a sister leaning towards piousness, and most importantly a believer in Allah (s.w.t). Obedience does not come so easy for me. I am often told how disobedient I am. I find this hard to believe since I actually feel I am pretty obedient even though its not easy for me. If your habibi or future habibi doesn't agree, then you may have something to think about.

"Women mistakenly think, that in order to be strong, they should behave like men. They should fight for their independence. Their right to work and strive hard like a man. To be in the public domain. As a prior independent western woman, I can tell you, that role is seriously misleading. It is tiring, difficult, and takes away from a woman everything that is beautiful and sacred about her unique characteristics - her fitrah."

This was taken from one sister’s blog and I totally agree http://thelightwithin.wordpress.com who I believe is sister umm travis but I am not sure. If so, nice blog sis, Masha’allah!!

I think this sums up everything quite nicely. I want to be good wife to my future husband but Iam worried about a few things. I already know he worries about me being disobedient. I am very outspoken and I have always been. This is an area I need to work on. He wants a conversation to end when he says and I have a problem walking away. I may keep going with it, which results in an disagreement. I have a huge problem with feeling like I am being treated like a child. This may be due to the difference in our upbringing. He was born and raised muslim and I am a revert. He has a problem with my lack of respect and disobedience. Insha'allah I truly believe he is the one. These are just some area's we must work on before we are married. I found an interesting link off the sisters (umm travis ??) blog I linked above. Here are things we can think about as muslim wives (for those who are married) and for future muslim wives, insha'allah.

Islam is clear on the kind of wife you should be seeking. The Prophet (s.a.w) said: "A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status, her beauty, and her religion; so try to get one who is religious, may you be blessed." This specifically defines just what kind of a companion we are seeking, for if we marry her for anything other than her religious piety, our marriage is bound to fall into misery.

"Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husbands) absence what Allah would have them guard"[s.4;v.34]

"A Muslim woman

A believing woman

A devout woman

A true woman

A woman who is patient and constant

A woman who humbles herself

A woman who gives charity

A woman who fasts and denies herself

A woman who guards her chastity

A woman who engages much in Allah's praise."

Iam honestly striving to be all of these things, Allah sees my efforts. I still fall short ofcourse. I have already thought about my dowry and marriage contract, however, I am not sure if it is sunnah to make things allowed in Islam to be prohibited as a part of ones contract. I wont share everything, but to make a long story short, I am not ok with my future husband taking a second wife and I would like to include this in our marital contract. I know polygamy is permissible in Islam. I am not okay with it and I have to do some major praying on this. Is it okay that I feel this way or am I wrong for trying to impose a rule on my future husband that Allah has allowed?? I will make an effort to wear hijab soon insha’allah (I plan on wearing hijab as of January 1,2009, but I am not sure my emaan is strong enough). I know these things are very important to my fiancé. MAJOR to him. I have no doubt he will be a good provider, leader, husband, and friend. I also know I can be a good wife to him, I know I can! Make duas for me, my sisters in Islam..Also, I have learned so much regarding becoming a good muslim wife from a muslim wifes blog and umm travis blog. If you need anymore advice on this please visit these sisters blogs,insha'allah. If anyone else has any advice on how to prepare for marriage and issues faced once married please feel free to post them here.

17 comments:

Umm Travis said...

Ya its me....! Makes me think, I should stop copy and pasting and write more from my heart ;)

Thanks for the link...

About obediance... it comes with eman... and having first chosen a pious husband. I know how u feel... I too am very outspoken and my husband and I fought a lot for the first year and half... I was new muslim, and things werent so easy at first... but just keep trying and make a lot of duaa... it comes in shaa Allah... and not just because you want it to, but because you work for it...

May Allah guide, help and bless u in all that u do :)

ameen

gerbies said...

salaam sis.

about imposing tt rule, I believe it is permissible. Furthermore, in Islam, a husband cannot get another wife without the consent of his wife. Of course, this law is always ignored by most men, but insyallah with a pious future husband you have there, he shall understand.

about wearing the hijaab... have faith that you will always be in the best of imaan, insyallah. most importantly, you must be certain that you're wearing hijaab sincerely for Allah S.W.T and not for anyone else.

As testified by Allah S.W.T "If you crawl to me, I will walk to you. If you walk to me, I wil Run to you" Therefore have faith that wearing a hijaab is the very right thing to do. Do not have doubts about it, sister.

May you be in Allah's protection.

wassalam.

Random Muslima said...

Salaamu alaykum,
sure, being obedient is one thing we should be inshaAllah, yet even the wives of the rasuulullah http://www.islamawareness.net/Muhammed/ibn_kathir_wives.html sallaAllahu alayhi wa sallam were strong willed women playing big roles in their community.

I truly believe that in the best case scenario Muslim husband and wife are the helpers for each other on Allah's path. Not too stuck on the ideal set on our minds but work to do their best and accept that sometimes life does not go as planned and you've got to do what you've got to do.

InshaAllah we can all work on making ourselves better, but we should keep in mind to not to loose ourselves on the way, as the ummul muumineen too had great personalities mashaAllah!

May Allah make it easy for you and bless you with a succesfull marriage in the future!

gerbies said...

hey, i forgot to add this; (extracted from Islamic Spirituality of Tasawwuf)

A recipe for good relationship:
Two cups of patience
One heart full of love
Two handful of generosity
One headful of understanding
A dash of humour
Sprinkled with kindness
Add plenty of faith, mix well

Inspired Muslimah said...

Umm travis: Thanks for the encouragement, I am sure its because I am a new muslim also and Iam glad you and your husband were able to work through it. Insha'allah I will Allah guide my heart and decisions and I cannot go wrong.

Gerbies: Poem is soo nice masha'allah! I hope he understands and respects my wishes. So I guess I can probably include it in our marriage contract. I just dont want to be caught off guard one day that my husband is taking a second wife! I definitly have to remember who I am wearing hijab for, Allah.

Random Muslima:Thanks sis, I needed to hear that. I do feel sometimes as I barely know myself with all the changes lately, even though they are good changes.

Naimah Umm Khadijah said...

Assalamu 'alaykum, Masha'Allaah nice blog, found your link through another blog.
I love that video masha'Allaah, I remember reading what it said not long ago, maybe on the brothers blog. It really inspires and encourages one to try harder, and be that exact type of wife, insha Allaah we will be.
The same with me, I found it hard especially in the beginning of getting married, and would answer back, astaghfirullaah, over the years I think I have grown, and improved somewhat, we have to try our best insha Allaah. And know that if we are obeying our husbands in what is lawful, we are obeying Allaah.
With regards to polygamy, someone mentioned that the husband cannot marry another except that he has his wife's consent, from what I have read on this, the man does not need to ask his wife for permission, but rather it is from good manners and kindness to the wife that he informs her first. I was not able to find the source, but insha Allaah will try to post it when I do find it.
But don't worry too much about that sis right now, concentrate on your marriage plans insha Allaah, and all will be khair (good).

M.J. said...

Jazaks for the link sister :) Means a lot. I'm happy knowing that my blog is helpful to you!
As for having trouble being obedient, I think that's perfectly okay. Maybe that's just part of your jihab or struggle--something that you will constantly be working to overcome. The important thing is that you realize what you need to work on and that you are making steps to better yourself in that area. It's OK that you don't feel right about polygamy, sister. I wouldn't feel right about being in a polygamous marriage myself, though I do understand it is better for some. If polygamy isn't something you'd want, it's your right that you don't have to suffer through it. Your husband must have your permission to select another wife, and without it he has no right to do so. The proper thing of course is to cement your desire not to be in such a marriage before your nikah. InshAllah everything will go smoothly from there :)
Mabrook on yoru decision to wear hijab too, by the way. It's a big step masAllah! I wish you all the best.
Sorry for the long comment :/

Inspired Muslimah said...

Naimah: Asalamu Alaikum sis. so nice to meet you. Thanks for the compliment. So it was hard for your too? I feel like such a rebel. LOL. I mean I know I should stay quiet sometimes but I just talk so much. I honestly feel better when other sisters tell me they feel like I feel on some issues like polygamy and such. I dont feel so bad about it. Shukrain sis.

M.J.:Salaams sis and yes, your blog is soo helpful. I do know the things I need to work on and I dont mind admitting my faults. I guess that is good. I know I need to work on being more obedient. Thanks for the advice and leave comments as long as you like!

Naimah Umm Khadijah said...

Yes I would say my marriage has had it's ups and downs, like many others I'm sure, but marriage takes working at, from both sides. I do try to watch how I speak to my husband, as I know in Islam it's a very serious matter being disrespectful to the husband, there is proof of this in numerous hadiths and I think in the Qur'an, but I'm posting this quick, as it's so late here! but something else I need to post up for you insha Allaah. Insha Allaah, it takes lots of du'a and good eemaan, I find when my eemaan is high, I'm more watchful of my tone etc.. and I try alot harder.
I have found myself get quite emotional in the past when my hubby brought up the issue of polygamy, emotions can get in the way, and I would have to remind myself that this is my husbands right if I wishes to marry another, BUT he would have to be fair between both wives, I would not be happy if my husband married another and was not giving us our proper rights, this is a very important condition to the man taking another wife. I dont' know what it would be like for me, if it happened, if I think too much about it, it stirs up mixed feelings inside me, some not nice, but if it's written, it'll happen, it'll be Qadr Allaah. I have two very close friends masha'Allaah who are married to the same man, masha'Allaah they spend most of their time together, they were good friens before the other became the second wife, yes it can be hard for them, jealousy is still there, but they have a good relationship regardless, and may Allaah always make it so, ameen.

Insha Allaah sis, spk to your hubby to be about your feelings etc.. and try and work out something between you both.
(sorry for such a long comment!)

Megan said...

Sister, if you don't want your husband to take other wives, it is your right to specify that in your marriage contract. The Prophet's (saws) daughter Fatima did so when she married Ali. When Ali later wanted to take another wife, the Prophet said no, because Fatima didn't want it. So it isn't at all unIslamic. Allah knows how hard it is for everybody to be happy and treated equally in a polygamous marriage.
Insha'allah, hijab will get easier for you. It sounds like your imaan in very strong. Walaikum asalaam.

Haniyya_Sturm said...

Assalamualaikum sis,

the video brought tears to my eyes. Inshallah i can be a good muslim wife to my zauG too. Like you, when i married him i was still learning. Infact i still am , so there are still times when i have issues holding my tongue.

And it does not help i can have such a bad temper at times. But alhamdullilah , i have managed to curb it these past few months.Alhamdullilah ( i suspect it was homesickness tht was making me crabby too)

Thank you for this post, a sister needed a reminder too.

Inspired Muslimah said...

Naimah Umm Khadija: Sis your soo right! When my eman is higher I am just a better person in general. I need to work on my prayers and just reading quran more. Your absolutely right, and I hadnt even thought about it. I do know that disrespect and being disobedient is not ok, I have never consider myself disrespectful, I can work on my obedience. I would totally get emotional when me and future husband speak about polygamy, Im like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.lol. I want you all to myself forever!! .lol

Megan: Salaams sis, thanks so much. I didnt know that, and no i have to investigate it more. Sis, I wanted to tell you that I wore hijab all day and around my family for the first time and it wasnt bad at all, alhamdullilah! thanks sis.

Haniyya_Sturm:Sis we have a lot in common, I am not yet married though. I am engaged. I hope to be a good a wife soon though. I am usually a softee but I do have a bit of a mouth on me and insha'allah I will work on this. Good for you sis in improving it and I wish you luck in your marriage, wish me luck in mines.

phamacist man said...

Assalam alykum may ALLAH reward you all...islamic chat!mashallah the most important piece of advice for you : the best way to learn more about islam without being confused 1-teacher as reference 2- friendship with muslims the same sexe of course 3-reading islamic books (internet is confusing even who brought up muslim so be careful)..assalam alykum

pharmacistman said...

assalam alykum sister...its confirmed that music is haram (disallowed):References within the context of the Holy Qur`aan along with the Hadith of the Prophet confirm that music is haraam.
Interpreters of the Qur`aan have defined the term `lahwal hadith` which is mentioned in the Qur`aan as: 1- Singing and listening to songs.
2-Purchasing of male and female singers.
3- Purchase of instruments of fun and amusement.
When Sayyidana Abdullah Ibne Mas`ood , a very close companion of our Prophet was asked about the meaning of the term `lahwal hadith`, he replied : “I swear by Him besides whom there is no other God,that it refers to ghinaa (singing )....This statement, he repeated three times. This view is unanimously supported by the four Khalifas, the eminent Sahabaah, Tabi`een, the four Imaams and other reliable Islaamic scholars and authorities.
One hadith from the Bukhari Shareef, the most authentic Book of Hadith, further confirms unlawfulness of music and singing :
((There will be people of my Ummah who will seek to make lawful; fornication, wine-drinking and the use of ma`aazif ( musical instruments )).

Inspired Muslimah said...

Pharmacistman:Thanks for your advice. :D

Anonymous said...

as slm wa alikum wa rah matul lahi
i am 26 male married 3 years now , i in my heart am very happy with my wife , but very unhappy with her ways , respect , and inlaws encourage her to work when she has everythng and does not require money from them or from any 1.. she just lives beyond her means..... on the other hand her parents dont ever come to my home cause they dont like my mom and this causes them always making my wife disrespect her to when we all live together.please help i am so lost and realy need guidence in what to do?

99.9 said...

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